I think today was the first time it hit me (and I mean hit me) that Hubs is deploying in September. I don't think I've been in denial this whole time, but I know I've definitely been putting those thoughts out of my mind as much as possible. I gloss over dates, times, and plans, saying things like "Well, Hubs will be deployed then, so...blah blah blah" or "When Hubs deploys, I will do a, b, and c." Today I realized how sad I am going to be when he leaves first for the National Training Center and then for deployment.
I had my first pre-deployment brief today. At the brief, the Lt Colonel and other important people shared lots of relevant, important information. But to be honest, it was really difficult listening to them tell us about casualty and serious injury protocol for NTC and deployment. Again, I know those things are a definitely possibility, but I have been choosing not to think about them for the past few months. I found myself picturing different worst case scenarious. I began to feel my throat tighten and I tried to stop thinking about what the men were saying.
I have faith that Hubs will be ok, but that doesn't make deployment any easier. He leaves for the NTC in two weeks. Half of me wishes he were leaving tomorrow so that way we can get this thing over with. I hate the anticipation of good byes or see you soons. The anticipation is just as bad as the good bye in my opinion.